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Uh, hi.

I couldn't sleep. Too many things are running inside my head so I thought of taking it all off so that I can meet my boss tomorrow without heavy equipment under my eyes. OTL

  1. I put the wrong name on a package and now, the package is stuck with LBC in the middle of nowhere. I knew something was wrong. I should've double checked. Ugh. Embarrassing. Emailed Xend about it. Might go to LBC tomorrow to ask for help too.

  2. My three-event Saturday. How to make it to my father's birthday dinner at home scheduled at around 5:30pm. The booksigning starts by 2pm -- technically 2:30pm by Filipino time. Then, there's the 30-minute interview and the actual signing. I probably will be done by 3:30pm. It sounds fine already, yes? Nope. I have a SECOND event called Toycon. If I leave by 3:30pm, I get to SM Megamall by 4pm. Not enough time to look around. Toycon is a three-day thing and I am very very free on Sunday. The J-Fashion contest is on Sunday. The Menswear fashion show of Style Origins in Trinoma is also on Sunday. PLUS, Ali Harvard is in Fairview Terraces on Sunday. SO WHY NOT SUNDAY? I go out everyday for a week and I'm normally ok with that. It's just that I don't want to go out on Sunday. I feel like I'm wasting money for the fare and I want to stay at home on Sunday. Gosh, scheduling dilemma. I wish I could teleport or be super fast or whatnot. D:

  3. Nikki, Van-chan, Mic, and I assume a bunch of others from Toujin will be there on Saturday. I feel slightly averse to Nikki and I already have a conversation running inside my head wherein she and a bunch of others find me alone. I can't ask someone to go with me to Toycon because I can't stay long. Seeing them would be nice. Not seeing them is also fine. I JUST FEEL SLIGHTLY AVERSE TO THE IDEA BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO BE SEEN ALONE.

So... basically, I am pretty messed up this weekend. Because I love my dad and yes, I do not want to be seen alone, I think I'll skip Toycon on Saturday and go on Sunday instead. I probably ran out of good merchandise but heh, I will have time to cover all grounds and watch a J-Fashion contest to blog about! Plus, I can pick between Ali Harvard and Menswear. I'll probably pick Ali. HAHAHA.

I now feel better. Writing always made me feel better when my sister is not there to talk to. She actually doesn't want me to go to the Toycon because I'll spend another fortune in it. (I only want Hodge Podge items, tbh.)

HAHAHA. Issue is now over. SLEEEEEP is needed.

XOXO.

2014-0204: Bitterness

Look, I never denied that I am liable. I am. I have some fault in it. You didn't have to burn me in public for the nth time What's worse is that you had to bring up something PERSONAL in public for the first time. That is something you do not bring up after burning me about my own fault.

I'm not bitter over the fault. I'm bitter over HOW the fault was rubbed into my face.

Yes, I am at fault. Yes, I am the nicest person on this planet.

BUT YOU DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE YOU'RE NOT WHAT THIS COMPANY NEEDS OR YOU'RE NOT MEANT FOR THIS COMPANY.

LOOK. I STAYED WITH YOU FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS. ALMOST THREE FUCKING YEARS. THE FIRST TIME I GOT SCREAMED AT WAS 2013. I MAINTAINED MOST THINGS AND MADE IMPROVEMENTS. ARE YOU FUCKING SAYING THAT THOSE YEARS DID NOT MEAN ANYTHING AT ALL?

SERIOUSLY.

I know I shouldn't be making a big deal out of it. That happens in law school everyday. I just find it hard to get it over with. They did this to people and I expect them to do this to me as well. I just stopped caring at first. Then, I started dwelling and here we are, awake at 2:41am, ranting over this shit.

People avoided me like the plague after that meeting. That left me chanting "four more days" happily like a deranged maniac. No one in my team asked how I was or whatnot. I have no more tears to shed.

I am glad that I am leaving.

Tags:

2014-0201: Change Topic - Thought Dump

Okay, that previous post didn't work. I'm somewhat sleepy but I thought of just dumping thoughts and be done with it. Aye, just be done with it!

1. I still have not told Yanna, my kada, and the gang about the offer from Bench. Is it just too good to be true or am I just... not really hyped up about this because I'm leaving too many people behind? Ah, attachments suck like monkey balls!

2. So I start gym tomorrow. I don't know how to feel, exactly. Ahaha. I want this to be a continuous thing this year and not just a passing thing.

3. I have to stop eating junk starting today. I'm back on my ice cream ban and junk food ban. Time to start eating healthier. 8D

4. I hope that I'd be able to have lunch with Lang Leav. This may be the confirmation that I can write. I want to write my first novel this year.

5. Should I start a public blog?

6. I need a hug.

2014-0201: What Must Work Right Now

Okay, one blog post isn't cutting it. I am still feeling low. I'll see if recapping my January would work wonders. Lessee...

Best moment ever? - Meeting Gayle Forman and a lot of awesome bookworms. Whoot!
Life-changing moment? -  Getting called by Ms Chona of Bench, getting an offer to work for their company, and accepting the fact that I could move out because of this!
Met-up with? - Mom Cat. I LOVE YOU MUM!
Tear-Jerker Moment? - Branch Meeting, January 14 and then, Mom supporting me with my decision to move out because I am accepting work that's located so far away.

I also read 10 actual books and one e-book.
I have eaten a lot, which is why I should go back to the gym.
I let Jethro borrow money.
I got the Bora money back but I should give Raj her share and the company their change.
I presented G-lish in front of many people.

I did so many things. I am moving towards something. Haha.

That was just weird. Simply weird. Ugh.

2014-0201: Depressed Again?

Oh my good Lord, I can't be depressed. I must not be depressed.

I know I have been questioning what I want to do with my life. I want to do TOO MANY THINGS at once and it's confusing me lately. I have plans and I have dreams. It's just a matter of me making the right decisions and good choices. So far, things are really just going haywired.

Dad kinda ruined new year's eve with his moods. He's just really sucky. Everybody hates him. Even I hate him at times. He's making my mom work and he has no right to bitch about it. He does not have ANY right to bitch about me working in the industry I love although he hasn't said anything about me and my upcoming new relationship with Bench. (Ahihihi.)

Still, I think that's enough reason for me to move out. I just need money to do that. Ugh. This toxic relationship is rubbing on me and I just can't deal. I have the right to walk out of it and return when I could face it.

People are going somewhere and here I am on my self-proclaimed standstill. Still there. I wouldn't fucking move. This absolutely sucks.

Anyway, I'm hitting the gym tomorrow. So excited, yes. It's a 9:30 spinning class followed by a definitions class which I haven't taken last year but my sister doesn't have class. Boo for me. I have to commute to Katipunan. Then again, I can always just go in the afternoon. There's a 1pm spinning class anyway and a 4pm zumba class so why not? :))

I was planning on getting my physical exam and stuff but Ms. Regine isn't replying on which hospital. My line is still cut and may be reinstated tomorrow. Hahaha, here's to my whacked up weekend schedule. I guess that depends on what time I wake up. If I get up early, I head to Katipunan for gym. 

2014-0126: Things I Must Have at My Place

Oh God, I am just so excited for the move and I'm already making a mental inventory of what I should have in there regardless of its size and limitations. LOL. Let me just write it down so I do not forget.

1. A corkboard wall/panel - There's this room in JoKwon and Gain's room in their second house in WGM. It is some sort of study room with a blackboard. They hung pictures there on a string. I want something similar to that. It's going to be my photo wall and dream wall in one so it just has to be a corkboard panel. I'm gonna go super creative with it for sure.

2. A book shelf/wall - It won't be my place if it doesn't have books scattered around it. I have thought of the books I will bring and here it goes - my Anita Blake novels, the It Girl series, my two Gayle Forman books, and my unread books.

3. Mason jars with my paper stars - I want those to decorate my place. I don't like vases or statues. Just my jars and my stars. LOL.

4. My stuffed toys - Ok, maybe not just my jars. I want a couple of my stuffed toys on my bed. I want things to be cute on one side and totally serious and mature in the other. Haha. My mom thinks that I'd be more mature if I live alone and yeah, it'll toughen me up a bit. Yes. But hey,

5. A shelf for MTB items - Yep, I am taking those with me so I can still constantly update people about items.

6. A laptop - This is a must. I need to save up for another one or have the one I have repaired... then again, if I do get it repaired, it would've been better if I just bought a tablet or use it to buy another laptop. I might get a tablet first and then a laptop. I'll have to properly plan for this large purchase.

7. Yesung - yes, I have to take Yesung's portrait with me although I think I'll get some serious problems getting that from here to there.

8. A Shoe Box Rack. - I am no longer going to throw away the boxes. I will keep my shoes there.

That's all I have for now and I haven't even reached ten. Haha. Well, things will be alright, one way or the other. :D

2014-0126: Ohai!

I admit that I haven't been posting. I also admit that I'm trying to be comfortable with Tumblr but I guess I just really couldn't do thought-dumps there. Just random poetry every now and then. I'm happy to report that I still write pretty decent poems. I wrote one already unlike last year, when I only wrote at least three every other month.

Anyway, my life is going through this fast 180-degree change. I say fast because it all happened on one day week and I just couldn't even feel completely and stupidly happy like I was supposed to. Here goes.

A few weeks back, I was starting to lose hope in getting a job in the fashion industry. If not fashion, I will just go down the retail track and do what my father says. Try something besides fashion. You know I rarely do what my father says. He doesn't understand my passions in life. I cannot stay jobless so when the push goes to a shove, I will just go to another job and stay there for a while before looking again and getting back on track.

But that almost happened. You see, I got a call from Bench group of companies (Suyen Corporation) last Monday. I was asked if I am still available. Of course I said yes. Then, the following night, I get a text. I have a final interview on Thursday. I had a previous meeting but yes, I pushed that meeting out of the way and ended up going to Bench Tower (and I was late again, sadly, but I actually made it in time) that Thursday despite the issue (related to one of my stores) I was facing.

I got there and spent roughly ten to fifteen minutes in front of two very serious people. I was actually nervous and scared. I felt blood burning through my cheeks with embarrassment. I kept on saying yes and found it hard to re-negotiate, especially with my salary. One VP offered me the position in Dimensione. I also just said yes. Dad wants a change in industry so hello, furniture, if I was lucky. They asked me to stay. I waited. I got the offer. I was told it was indeed for Dimensione and I have an interview with the CEO which overwhelmed me. THE Ben Chan is taking some time off his busy schedule to meet and talk to me about... Dimensione. God, that was just... wow.

At first, I wanted to back out since P25,000 is not gonna get me anywhere but after thinking things through and seeing that this is Suyen, one of the biggest companies in the country, I just have to take the plunge. I can get promoted. I can show them my worth... and how much I love fashion. Yeah, why not?

When I got home, I told my Mom and how much I want this. I told her that I want to move as well. If I am going to work in Taguig in those work hours Suyen imposes. I will die of sickness if I go home to Fairview everyday. In the end, my mother said that she'd support me. I felt like crying. They're letting me chase my dreams. Oh my gosh.

No one knows how much I want this. I have been wanting to be part of this group of companies since I started job hunting in 2012 but seeing that the post written on the company website requires 3 years of experience, I had to wait. Then, I got my chance. Here it is. I am given a chance to be a part of a global company.

I also got a call last Friday for the schedule but I couldn't make it on the 3rd. I also asked about the finality of my employment and said that yes, I am accepted. If not Dimensione, I get a fashion brand. Well, hurrah for me. Time to impress the CEO.

I haven't told my friends anything until Gus asked about it last night. I was going to message Yanna last night but I got lazy. I  was thinking of posting it with the Monkey kada last Thursday night but I was tired. I wanted to ask what they thought of it and if I'm not crazy to turn it down in case that there is a better offer. I didn't and now, I am stuck with my decision to take this plunge and be kickass in Suyen. I also wanted to text Diane and Cha and everyone I spoke to about this... but I still didn't.

I really wanted to tell someone, everyone... but with my current front, I just can't. I made a public statement and people were genuinely happy for me -- that I'm going to study so I resigned. I want to show them that the best wishes they gave me is worth it and not meaningless. *I INTEND TO STUDY BECAUSE THIS WHOLE RUSE MADE ME WANT TO STUDY FOR REAL. I PLAN TO GO TO SOFA OR FIP. PROBABLY FIP COZ ITS CHEAPER. But I still want courses in SOFA. It's in Makati too so it's no big if ever.

It sucks when you can't just say that you're resigning because of your boss. That is not even a valid reason. Shucks.

I am honestly thrilled for the whole new independence thing. I get my own place where I get to express myself. My mom allowed me to get my own place because I'm not that type of person. Despite the whole M thing, I'm not going to cross that line for a one night thing. I'd cross it for forever... and that's after marriage. She doesn't want me to have roomies. I'm not sure whether she wants me to be in a dorm or in a condo. I prefer either just as long as I keep a room to myself and it's in a nice, safe place. The ones I found have pretty questionable surroundings but there was one condo that looked nice. P9000 per month. That's a lot, tbh. Not even sure if electricity's there already. Utilities too. *I actually want to text Cha and see if she wants to share a condo if ever. I found one in BGC for P12500 with TWO rooms.

I remember my PolSci prof saying to give living alone a shot to get a taste of life at a young age. This is that moment. I have to be ready to be poor and let go of my follies for the meantime as I stabilize myself in terms of finances and of my own living situation -- I NEED TO BUY MY OWN LAPPIE FIRST. (My head is also thinking of turning it into my dream kawaii room and what books I should bring and ahh, laundry matters... My brain is everywhere.) I still intend to do part time somewhere. I still want to be a bar DJ too coz the pay's P1000 for 2 hours, minimum. I need money. LOL.

It scares me though because... well, you know that movie Coyote Ugly. What if I move and something terrible happens? Violet's apartment got ransacked and money was sparse. I don't want that. Bad things will happen but I don't want it to be life altering or what. Lord, give me a lot of little bad things like tripping or coffee stains on my shirt, just not one big bad thing. I don't think I can handle that. That is why I wanna live in a real condo -- like Gus and Martin and Yel -- wherein there are guards everywhere. *I also wanna host parties but meh, that's for later.

There's that fortune that Min said. I'll reserve that for another post. So far, it's coming true.

I suck at TL;DRs but here's an attempt: I got a job. I got in at Suyen Corporation. It's in Taguig so I'm moving out soon-ish. I am excited and scared shitless at the same time because of the changes. I need money.

2014-0101: Hey 2014

I don't really know where to start cleaning my room, to be really honest.

I cleared out the floor the other day but there's new stuff on the floor that was on the chairs and tables. Mostly bags, if I remember correctly. I'll pick those up after this post.

I still want a paper shredder to shred my paper. I shouldn't have a one track mind but there's this satisfaction in shredding that paper tearing doesn't have. It's that super duper easy feeling of letting it go and never getting it back together. There's no turning back with the freaking shredder. I wish I could take the shredder from the office home with me.

My cabinets are also filled to the brim with paper and nonsense from the past too. My cabinets need to be de-cluttered too and a paper shredder will really be handy in de-cluttering.

Don't get me started with my books. They're everywhere and my mother transported a good selection into their room. I know that I have a lot of books and that I'm getting a whole lot more in the future but I just want them together in one place.  I guess I'll take them all with me if I move out. Can I move out sometime soon? I want my own space. Haha.

-----------OwOv

Tomorrow's another work day and I'll have to deal with it. The story is still intact. If Mark starts talking, I would say that I am just taking pre-caution in case that the financier backs out. I do not go back on my word. When I said I'll resign, I'll really resign and leave. I have also started saying that I want to go to a fashion school and no longer graduate school. It's going to be the foundation of my rocky relationship with my so-called financier.

-----------OwOv

I swear to God that I'll meet up with more people this year. Other than reading books, meeting people made my life happier last year so I intend to continue doing that. I need to meet-up with Charmaine Chua because she called me and I never met up with her even after visiting her restaurant.

-----------OwOv

I also must complete the list of Glish items I do not want to part with. Haha. I already have two of the Lip and Cheek tints. (I need one more!) I still want the complete set of body butters and body purees. Ah, the two hydra mists too and a duo foundation for me and my sister. That's a lot, to be very honest. *u*

I also promised Cham I'd get him a pair of the best slippers we have and I'm thinking of MS Fliquer. I haven't really gotten it yet, though. :))

-----------OwOv

Earlier, I was thinking of what to buy. That's a bad sign. Haha.

I was hoping to get my paper shredder from CD-R King and another container for my books. I also want a magazine rack because I want to stock up on magazines. I have Entrepreneur, Mega, and Meg in line at NBS. I know I can just search their articles online but I want the tangible thing too. I'd like to bring copies with me to work or read it without the radiation.

I also want that Oxygen top I saw in Trinoma. Damn, I think I need a container for old clothes I intend to wear again in the future. Ahaha.

-----------OwOv

I must find my phone now. Whoosh~

Dec. 25th, 2013

I feel like dissecting this Thought Catalog post. I want to write my goals and resolutions right now too so why not?

  1. Before you status update, Tweet, Tumble or Instagram, pause and say to yourself, “is it entirely necessary that I share this morsel of thought with my entire social network?”and if the answer is not, “yes, I absolutely must,” then step away from the Internet. - I already do this and have a pretty good control over it. Whee.

  2. Know which candidate you’re going to vote for in the upcoming presidential election, and know why. - I shall prepare for this in the next election. I will do MORE research! (Generally, I don't care about politics. I just get news from FB.

  3. Enough with the 14-day juice cleanses. If you want to lose a little weight quickly, eat less and exercise like crazy. If you want to lose a lot of weight slowly, do whatever Jennifer Hudson did. - I wanted to try the cleansing thing but this upcoming year, I will not stop until I get that awesome body for cosplay. I will continue zumba and cycling.

  4. If you really like the person you’re hooking up with and would like them to be your boyfriend/ girlfriend, find a way to tell them, and hope for the best. If you don’t and wouldn’t, stop. - I am hoping that the guy my cards showed me is indeed going to be my first boyfriend. He is an awesome and decent guy who would definitely balance my life out! (I will talk about this on a separate post after a coffee date I promised him we'd do~)

  5. Find a way to save approximately 300 dollars and spend it on a flight to see a friend or family member who lives far away. - $300 won't be enough to see Tessa, Peter, or Jonn Carlo.

  6. Please stop liking the Kardashians, all of them. It’s not helping anyone, least of all the Kardashians. - Never liked them to begin with.

  7. Spend less than or equal to the money you earn each month. - I will manage my finances more this time around. I will invest and learn more about it. I will save and not spend too much. Not this time around.

  8. Wear clothes that fit you, especially to work. - My clothes do fit. I have confidence issues for some clothes, though.

  9. Call someone on the phone at least once a week, and speak to him or her for at least ten minutes. - This is something new to try. I was never the phone person. Probably FB.

  10. Start preparing now to get over the fact that Facebook is probably going to change again in six months. You’re not going to deactivate your account. You don’t know how.

  11. Wait 30 seconds before you look up a fact you can’t remember on your phone, and try to remember it using your brain. This is what the olden days were like. - Haha. Not really relevant.

  12. Replace one terrible reality show you’re currently watching with one wonderful scripted show currently available on television.  Swap suggestion: Real Housewives of Anywhere for HBO’s Enlightened. - I don't watch TV much and all I watch are ANTM and Two Broke Girls.

  13. Try that food you think you don’t like but have never actually tried, unless it’s brussels sprouts. They really don’t need any more attention. - Oh, a veggie challenge. I WILL ATTEMPT TO EAT MORE!

  14. Cut one person out of your life who you truly do not like and add one person who you truly do. Note: not on Facebook, on Earth. - I just welcomed that person into my life again. Haha. Uhm, Idk. People normally leave me so cutting them out of my life is their decision.

  15. If you’re still blacking out regularly, you should stop. - Haven't had this. I control how much I drink.

  16. Volunteer once over the next 90 days.  You’ll feel really good about it, and probably end up volunteering again over the next 275. - I'd like to do this. I will check volunteer programs in the Metro. :D

  17. Tell someone who you love that you love them on a more regular basis. To their face, not in a text. - Hihi. Parents, I guess?

  18. Back up your entire online life onto an external hard drive, especially your photos. - I will do this as soon as I get my next paycheck. I need an external hard drive to make sure that I can have the laptop completely repaired but it appears to have been repaired, tbh.

  19. Crap or get off the pot. This applies to whatever thing you’re not doing that you should just sack up and do already. - Uh, whut? Haha. I should clean and declog my room. In the words of my 12 year old brother, "The past is past. You should move on and get rid of the items you don't need."

  20. And in the eternal words of Tom Haverford, “TREAT YO SELF!” - :D

Besides those mentioned already, here are my current resolutions but they aren't plotted into a quarterly goal list like this year.

  1. Continue the five-books-per-month quota. I had a happier year because I am reading again.

  2. Start writing again. I am already working on a happier novel on Wattpad. I have to give the final draft to Bea so they can turn it into a manga. I suppose I can finish Kiss next year too. I just need guts to do that.

  3. Enroll in DJ Academy and Fashion Institute of the Philippines. I really can't stop thinking about making music and studying fashion on the side. I want to make my dreams come true and I can make them come true.

  4. Secure a new job before January 2014 ends. Yep, this is a must. You probably blew the part-time thing. Haha.

  5. Cosplay more characters. Jiginka and J-Fashion while you lose weight. Your goal is to first cosplay Babydoll and get that awesome sword from Geisha Blade! 8D

  6. Get 1000 likes on Middlemist Trinket Box. Your goal is to keep the store running in three years. Once that happens, Max (your sister) will let you, Caroline (me), open an online bookshop. 8D

  7. Keep meeting friends. This is the one other thing that kept you happy this year too.

  8. Declog my room. This is very much needed, tbh. I can't keep on living in my dumpster-like room.

  9. Declog my heart. For one thing, Jonn Carlo's bi but is sexually gay. You cannot complete with handsome men. Martin's not coming back into your life too. No point in waiting for either one. You need to stop imagining scenarios in your head that have a -2% chance of actually happening; it’s becoming a problem.

  10. Keep in tune with nature. I need to meditate and be calm. I am on a mission to find inner peace within my soul so that I can be happy and fulfilled with my life despite all the chaos.

I guess that's all for now. I just hope to make more progress especially with writing. Lauren encourages it. I want to do it anyway so why not? 

2013-1225: Christmas

Well, I still managed to get gift-money despite working! XD

My sister rebooted my mom's new tablet and so, our photos from yesterday went kaput. No photos to post... except for the ones taken earlier at Aunt Del's. I don't even know where to get the photos there but I think Ate Lhady will tag me. Eventually. =3=

I don't like that feeling that we're there to just ask for money. It's the feeling I get every single time we go to a relative's place. All shame is not there. Well, if not shame, pride. I couldn't do what my working cousins do -- give money to relatives. I can't do that yet. Then again, I am the type to not give money to relatives or anyone for that matter. Stingy to another whole level.

Heh.

I think I also made another human being happy by accepting her friend request. I just wish she didn't make a terribly big deal about it by POSTING ON MY WALL ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. It honestly annoyed the hell out of me because it made me look like a douche -- the insensitive bitch who gave up on the other person. I JUST WALKED AWAY FROM A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP GDI.

Anyways, that didn't piss me off the whole day. I actually received an awesome present out of that scandal. It showed me who my real friends are -- the ones who are concerned about my entire well-being and wanted to make sure I was making a sound decision and that I wasn't drunk or what when I accepted the friend request -- and not the ones who didn't think for a moment and just... yeah. That's why I love my college 'kada a whole bunch.

**I wasn't drunk; I blindly accepted the friend request. It was Christmas Eve. I just went WHUT and then thought things over and screamed FCUK THIS and clicked 'Accept'. Good karma, I guess?

I managed to finish If I Stay and I want to read the next book but as announced, I am on a book-buying ban until I finish my pile... with an additional two months to boot. I'm already sorry I spent P2,000+ on books alone. I might not attend the Mitch Albom book signing with that book buying ban. I'm lucky that I'll get to attend the Gayle Forman signing. YAY.

This is my 22nd Christmas on this planet and so far, it isn't the best but I'm thankful that my family's intact and we are somewhat happy. Even just for a moment.

Merry Christmas!